I can’t say as ever I was lost, but I was bewildered once for three days. – Daniel Boone

In an ideal world, Butt Lite X would have been in the history books since July. We’d still be sharing tales of adventure, and basking in the glow of a job well done, or thinking about what could have been if only . . .

In a less ideal world, 120 riders would be nervously squirming in a banquet room at the Marriott in Overland Park, Kansas, waiting for the rally packs to be handed out to start six days of grueling adventure, near and far, on Interstate highways and dirt roads,  across the western United States.

An adventure is never an adventure when it happens. An adventure is simply physical and emotional discomfort recollected in tranquility.  – Tim Cahill

In a least ideal world, we would all be dead in a global pandemic. We’re not, so, we’ve got that going for us.

In this lesser but not least ideal world, Butt Lite X riders (and spectators) will have to ride this rally from the comfort of their armchairs. Considering that right now, the forecast for the Butt Lite X bonus hunting grounds includes a winter storm with up to 10 inches of snow, temperatures in excess of 100 degrees, raging wildfires with blinding smoke, and some flash flooding, to go along with the coronavirus outbreaks and civil unrest to which we’ve become accustomed this summer, maybe the armchair isn’t such a bad place.

At this point, if we were in Overland Park, we would have told you multiple times that you need to know TeamStrange Uniform Rule 13 in this edition of Butt Lite.

13. General Guidelines Regarding Bonuses

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C. If you get to a bonus destination IN THE TIME FRAME SPECIFIED and it is unavailable (i.e. closed, burnt down, moved etc.), do your best to obtain a replacement item. For example, if you are told to buy a Pepsi at Joe’s Café and Joe is out of Pepsi, buy a Coke. If the bonus instructs you to have breakfast at Joe’s Cafe and Joe’s burned down last week, go to another restaurant in the same town. If there are no other restaurants in town, get a gas receipt from the nearest gas station or some sort of business receipt from the same town. If these options are not available locally, ride to the nearest town and get a receipt. Document your attempts to comply with the bonus instructions, and advise the Rallymasters of your efforts. Caution: make sure that every effort is made to comply with bonus instructions before resorting to alternate proof. If you are the only rider who couldn’t locate Joe’s, you won’t get the points.

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E. Don’t forget to account for the weather when planning your route! Should you reject a ride across the hot desert in favor of bonuses located in the mountains, you will be responsible should bad weather move in and block your path.

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G. Although we have several people visit each bonus location prior to the start of the rally, there are going to be things that will happen that are out of our control. Where possible, the rally will make adjustments as needed. For example, if you choose to ride to Bryce Canyon National Park to get the bonus located at the southern tip of the park and the only access road to the bonus is closed due to construction, you may go to the “Road Closed” sign and take a picture, record that the road was closed on the bonus sheet and you will receive credit for the bonus. However, where multiple paved access roads exist, you will be responsible to ride around to the other entrances. For example, if the bonus instructs to pick up a souvenir at Badlands National Park, there are three access roads into the park. Should one be blocked for any reason, it is your responsibility to try the others taking a picture at each road-closed sign.

H. No latitude is given for bad weather. This is part of the planning process you must figure out. Example: if you choose to bypass the heat of the desert for a cooler mountain ride and then the main roads are closed due to snow, we will not make adjustments, you will need to figure out a different approach. Likewise, the person headed to the desert only has himself to blame for having to suffer through the intense heat.

I. No allowance is given for road conditions, including but not limited to road construction, traffic delays of any kind, law enforcement activities, traffic at bonuses and rally locations.

In this lesser but not least ideal world, in your armchair riding a virtual rally, you don’t have to worry about all that. Plan your route as if all the bonuses that we offer are accessible. Plan as if you’re in a world in which museums and stores and gas stations and Indian reservations and national borders aren’t randomly closed (or at least not closed more than we expected them to be), in which you don’t have to think about quarantine requirements, and in which the weather is ideal and half the rally territory isn’t covered with snow and ice from a too-early fall storm and the other half isn’t on fire.

Below is a link to the virtual flash drive for Leg 1 of Butt Lite X. It contains your route sheet, data files, and everything else that would have been on the real drive. Figure out your route for Leg 1 and send it to us at buttlite@outlook.com. We’re not that picky about the format in which you send it. Nor is there a deadline, other than, playing along at home, you should still come up with a route quickly enough that it could have been ridden in a more ideal world.

Leg 2 will be posted here at 6 am (Central) Saturday morning, when it would have been handed out.

Adventure is just bad planning. – Roald Amundsen

Butt Lite X Leg 1